Dear Gavalda

 

Today the postman came and my deliverd books arrived. I was so excited about them. Mostly I was excited about "The consolations Of Philosophy" written by De Botton. And also there was another english book called "The litrary Theory" by a man called Ayer. I googled this name snd I found nothing;)) I thought this book is also from de botton but I was recless and wrong. And when I found this out, my bubble bursted. So I should read it anyway :)) hope it is intersting. Another book is in French... "Fendre l'armure" by Anna Gavalda. I do not even know the meaning of its title but i just want to involve to it... I guess It's an exciting adventure :))

All we have is now

I should watch out how do i set goals. It's a big mistake to set a goal like: studying . Goals should be big, releasing and flexible. Goals must be smart and when you think of them a big smile just appear on your face. I crossed out " med" in my 3 goals list that i'm following at the same time and instead of that I wrote "Enjoying life" :)

And now i feel much better. I feel like I have lots of opportunitues and if they send me out of med or if i quit myself because i am not in tge mood for it or whatever happens i still can be happy and successful and there are other ways to live. As it was before. :)

But these sayings are cliche. They are helpful when you live them. I will live them. I keep repeating them till they finally find their way through my mind model. I keep being positive and live my life day by day not just sit down and wait to something positive or my daydreams in far future happen. I make sheets. More and more sheets. I set to dos. I set goals. I write diaries. I thank god every day and at the end of day i specify positive and negative points of the day. I keep doing these things and someday i realize that how much i am more predominant in living. Living with all my heart.

Be Free as a bird

Today I studied a little bit after some days off. I don't even want to get better and then start to do things that i want. No not anymore. I just want to continue and accept my current condition. Like I have been like this from the very first of my life. Besides I'm really not in a condition to have the right for complaining. Till now I have studied about one and half an hour. It's not much. But i'll keep going after a short break.or as my classmates in university always said, after tea time. 

Now that i talked about classmates i wanna mention that how much i am greatful for my past and peresent classmates. My class shifted last term and i guess this change was for better cause in this class the population is smaller (about 35 people) and i think mind models are more alike so the whole class is more  concerted. But the other class was also fine. 

It's irrelevant but i liked the following picture.

How to understand her.

Vs

You dont need him.

:)) I liked the titles.

I should really convince myself that I don't need anybody and espicialy him. You know sometimes i doubt that did i truly fell in love or i just wanted to attach myself to someone more powerful, smarter and better than me? I guess it's the second one. Any way it's not an issue anymore. Time has passed. The issue is that this wrong attitude that I'm weak doesn't trap me anymore. I don't know what love is but I guess it's not about attaching youself to another person. It's not sick. It's healthy and improving.

Something between distressed and calm

 You know I'm not really that kind of person who easily sticks with other people. I'm really conservative in this field. And when ever i some how force myself to be too much sociable after a while i just get tired and start to cut out the strings. Unless I really love the person. 

I wanna thank god because of my virtual friends I have made in my other blog. It's really great to find people who you love reading their thoughts and feelings and writings. And there is a guess that they also have the same idea about me.

I liked this photo cause it really shows my distressed thoughts these days.

Thankful

 I'm not in the mood for studying. Of course i know that if i sit behind my desk and just dive into it, the rest of it would be esier. But starting is hard. 

I have made some diary and to do sheets and printed them and i want to start writing and recording every day thanksgiving, to do, good points and bad points of the day and finally diary of the day. Archives are preciouse and worth spending time to creat them. Today i wrote thaks for my major and now i really feel better. I haven't thanked god for this great chance that has stock in my way. Thank god again. 

New me

 I haven't written in english for a long time now and i'm a little bit scared of having grammer and also word choice mistakes. But i should start from somewhere anyway. And i think this is a great spot (my blog) for this trying. 

You know when i went to english institution and i was more susceptible with talking and writing in english i understood that my english talker version has a different charactristic with my persian one. 

Persian me is more affected with the traditions and maybe religious beliefs and this made her more calm and maybe shy. But my english verion mostly talks her mind freely and this is because english movies and english culture is a powerful and important source for me to learn this language. I personally am a fan of my english version due to it's really more interesting. It's really true that they say learning a new language is like getting familiar with a new world. It really has a deep effect on people as much as making a whole new personality for them.

I'm really curious and also interested to know what my french talker verion is. Besides learning a new language has been always exciting for me. But as long as i'm not fluent in one language it seems a mistake to move to another one.

 C++ is the new love of my life. :)

 Some time ago my ipad just broke up with no particular reason. It didnt connect to internet.nor wifi nor data. Im so happy because i thought that i should sell it with a low price. But now that its all ok i can use it for reading the leaflets of university and draw and write diaries and blogging. So glad.

Tonight is 30th day of Azar and is called Yalda. The longest night of the year and im in my granpas house. Beacuse of the corona virus i feel a little bad for coming here but we arent lots of people. Just us , my grandpa, my uncle and his 2 little kids, my grandpas wife. About 9 people. Im so ashamed!! We are lots of people. Any way i wanna go to the living room and drink tea and eat beet. Ok bye. And by the way i may continue to write here in english. Its cool and helpful. But mostly cool. I die for reading my diaries when some time passes from writing them.

کسانی که در زندگی شخصی و مسیر شغلی از دیگران پیشی گرفته‌اند، به واسطه‌ی مدل ذهنی متفاوت، در مواجهه با وضعیتی که برای دیگران هم روی داده‌ است، سوال‌های متفاوتی می‌پرسند و طبیعتاً به پاسخ‌های متفاوتی هم دست پیدا می‌کنند.

As NVC replaces our old patterns of defending, withdrawing, or attacking in the face of judgment and criticism, we come to perceive ourselves and others, as well as our intentions and relationships, in a new light. Resistance, defensiveness, and violent reactions are minimized. When we focus on clarifying what is being observed, felt, and needed rather than on diagnosing and judging, we discover the depth of our own compassion. Through its emphasis on deep listening—to ourselves as well as others—NVC fosters respect, attentiveness, and empathy, and engenders a mutual desire to give from the heart.

To arrive at a mutual desire to give from the heart, we focus the light of consciousness in fore areas - referred to as the four components of the NBC model.
First, we observe what is actually happening in a situation: what are we observing others saying or doing that is either enriching or not enriching our life? The trick is to be able to articulate this observation without introducing any judgment or evaluation- to simply say what people are doing that we either like or don't like. Next we we state how we feel when we observe this action: are we hurt, scared, joyful, amused, irritated? And, thirdly we say what needs of ours are connected to the feelings we have identified.
An awareness of these three components is peresent when we use NVC to clearly and honestly express how we are.
Four components of nvc:
Observation
Feeling
Needs
Request

[...] thus, part of nvc is to express these four pieces of information very clearly, whether verbally or by other means. The other aspect of this communication consists of receiving the same four pieces of information from others. We connect with them by first sensing what they are observing, feeling, and needing and discover what would enrich their lives by receiving the fourth piece, their request.

Two parts of nvc:
1. Expressing honestly through the four components
2. Receiving empathicly through the four  components.

Bernie also tells students that excuses are irrelevant or to use the technical term: bullshit!
We use excuses to cover up the fact that we did not put in the required effort to deliver. This lesson is relevant in all parts of your life. There is no excuse for being late, for not handing in an assignment, for failing an exam, for not spending time with your family, for not calling your girlfriend, and so forth.

There is a big difference between trying to do something and actually doing it.

Istead of being pushy to prove that you deserve it, try to learn from the interaction.

I recently learned from Jeannie kahwajy, an expert on interpersonal interactions, that her research shows that those who demonstrate that they are willing to learn can turn negative situations around very effectively. Jeannie ran experiments involving mick interviews by recruiters of job candidates. The recruiter was primed beforehand to have a negative bias toward the candidate. Of three groups of candidates one was instructed to prove they should get the job, one was told to learn from the interaction; and the final group, the control, was given no specific instructions. She found that the recruiter's negative bias was reinforced for both the control group and the group that tried to prove they should get the job. However the candidates who set out to learn from the interaction reversed the recruiter' negative bias.

The sooner and franker... the better.

I've spent countless hours kicking myself for stupid things I've done. However I've also figured out that learning how to recover from those mistakes is key. For instance knowing how to apologize is incredibly important. A simple acknowledgment that you messed up goes a long way. There is no need for long speeches and explanations. Just say "I didn't handle that very well. I apologize."

The sooner you do this after recognizing your mistake, the better. If you wait a long time to apologize, the damage continues to grow. 

Craft the story now so you'll be proud to tell it later :)

I realized afterward that thinking about how you want to tell the story in the future is a great way to assess your response to dilemma in general. Craft the story now so you'll be proud to tell it later. 

The importance of every experience we have with others.

Essentially your reputation is your most valuable asset- so guard it well. But don't be terribly demoralized if you make some mistakes along the way. With time it is possible to repair a stained reputation. Over the years I have come up with the metaphor that has helped me put this in prespective: every exprince you have with someone else is like a drop of water falling into a pool. As your experiences with that person grow, the drops accumulate and the pool deepens. Positive interactions are clear drops of water and negative interactions are red drops of water. But they aren't equal. That is a number of clear drops can dilute one red drop, and that number differs from different people. Those who are very forgiving only need a few positive experiences- clear drops- to dilute a bad experience, while those who are less forgiving need a lot more to wash away the red. Also for most people the pool drains slowly. As a result we tend to pay attention to experiences that have happened most recently, as opposed to those that had happened a long time ago. This metaphor implies that if you have a large reserve of positive experiences with someone then one red drop is hardly noticed. It's like putting a drop of  red ink into the ocean. But if you don't know a person well, one bad experience stains the pool bright red.
You can wash away negative interactions by flooding the pool by positive interactions until the red drops fade, but the deeper the red, the more work you have to do to clean the pool. I've found that sometimes the pool color never clears, when that happens, it's time to stop interacting with that particular person. 

As we have seen we can manufacture our own luck by working incredibly hard. And focusing on our goals. But we have many other tools at our disposal, including being open to opportunities that come our way, taking full advantage of chance occurrences, paying careful attention to the world around us, interacting with as many people as we can and making those interactions as positive as possible. 

Richard Wiseman of the university of Hertfordshire, in England, has studied luck and found that "lucky people" share traits that tend to make them luckier then others. First, lucky people take advantage of chance occurrences that come their way. Instead of going through life on cruise control, they pay attention to what's happening around them and therefore, are able to extract greater value from each situation. They're more likely to pay attention to an announcement to an special event in their community, to notice a new person in their neighborhood, or even to see that a colleague is in need for extra help. Lucky people are also open to novel opportunities and willing to try things outside of their usual experience. They're more inclined to pick up a book on an unfamiliar subject, to travel to less familiar destinations.
No surprisingly, lucky people tend to be extroverted. They make more eye contact and smile more frequently, leading to more positive and extended encounters. These actions in turn open the door to more opportunities. Lucky people also tend to be optimistic and to expect good thing to happen to them. This becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, because even when things don't go as expected lucky people find ways to extract positive outcomes from the worst situations. Their attitude affects those around them, and help to turn negative situations into positive expriences.

You need to put yourself in a position to be lucky.

I called my son, Josh during his first semester at collage to wish him luck on his final exams. His response was, "there is no such thing as luck. It's all hard work. " [...] the harder you work the luckier you get. His mantra was a stark reminder that you need to put yourself in a position to be lucky. Even if there is low probability of success and a tremendous amount of competition, you can maximize you r chances by being well prepared physically, intellectually, and emotionally.