کسانی که در زندگی شخصی و مسیر شغلی از دیگران پیشی گرفته‌اند، به واسطه‌ی مدل ذهنی متفاوت، در مواجهه با وضعیتی که برای دیگران هم روی داده‌ است، سوال‌های متفاوتی می‌پرسند و طبیعتاً به پاسخ‌های متفاوتی هم دست پیدا می‌کنند.

As NVC replaces our old patterns of defending, withdrawing, or attacking in the face of judgment and criticism, we come to perceive ourselves and others, as well as our intentions and relationships, in a new light. Resistance, defensiveness, and violent reactions are minimized. When we focus on clarifying what is being observed, felt, and needed rather than on diagnosing and judging, we discover the depth of our own compassion. Through its emphasis on deep listening—to ourselves as well as others—NVC fosters respect, attentiveness, and empathy, and engenders a mutual desire to give from the heart.

To arrive at a mutual desire to give from the heart, we focus the light of consciousness in fore areas - referred to as the four components of the NBC model.
First, we observe what is actually happening in a situation: what are we observing others saying or doing that is either enriching or not enriching our life? The trick is to be able to articulate this observation without introducing any judgment or evaluation- to simply say what people are doing that we either like or don't like. Next we we state how we feel when we observe this action: are we hurt, scared, joyful, amused, irritated? And, thirdly we say what needs of ours are connected to the feelings we have identified.
An awareness of these three components is peresent when we use NVC to clearly and honestly express how we are.
Four components of nvc:
Observation
Feeling
Needs
Request

[...] thus, part of nvc is to express these four pieces of information very clearly, whether verbally or by other means. The other aspect of this communication consists of receiving the same four pieces of information from others. We connect with them by first sensing what they are observing, feeling, and needing and discover what would enrich their lives by receiving the fourth piece, their request.

Two parts of nvc:
1. Expressing honestly through the four components
2. Receiving empathicly through the four  components.

Bernie also tells students that excuses are irrelevant or to use the technical term: bullshit!
We use excuses to cover up the fact that we did not put in the required effort to deliver. This lesson is relevant in all parts of your life. There is no excuse for being late, for not handing in an assignment, for failing an exam, for not spending time with your family, for not calling your girlfriend, and so forth.

There is a big difference between trying to do something and actually doing it.

Istead of being pushy to prove that you deserve it, try to learn from the interaction.

I recently learned from Jeannie kahwajy, an expert on interpersonal interactions, that her research shows that those who demonstrate that they are willing to learn can turn negative situations around very effectively. Jeannie ran experiments involving mick interviews by recruiters of job candidates. The recruiter was primed beforehand to have a negative bias toward the candidate. Of three groups of candidates one was instructed to prove they should get the job, one was told to learn from the interaction; and the final group, the control, was given no specific instructions. She found that the recruiter's negative bias was reinforced for both the control group and the group that tried to prove they should get the job. However the candidates who set out to learn from the interaction reversed the recruiter' negative bias.

The sooner and franker... the better.

I've spent countless hours kicking myself for stupid things I've done. However I've also figured out that learning how to recover from those mistakes is key. For instance knowing how to apologize is incredibly important. A simple acknowledgment that you messed up goes a long way. There is no need for long speeches and explanations. Just say "I didn't handle that very well. I apologize."

The sooner you do this after recognizing your mistake, the better. If you wait a long time to apologize, the damage continues to grow.