Dear Gavalda

 

Today the postman came and my deliverd books arrived. I was so excited about them. Mostly I was excited about "The consolations Of Philosophy" written by De Botton. And also there was another english book called "The litrary Theory" by a man called Ayer. I googled this name snd I found nothing;)) I thought this book is also from de botton but I was recless and wrong. And when I found this out, my bubble bursted. So I should read it anyway :)) hope it is intersting. Another book is in French... "Fendre l'armure" by Anna Gavalda. I do not even know the meaning of its title but i just want to involve to it... I guess It's an exciting adventure :))

All we have is now

I should watch out how do i set goals. It's a big mistake to set a goal like: studying . Goals should be big, releasing and flexible. Goals must be smart and when you think of them a big smile just appear on your face. I crossed out " med" in my 3 goals list that i'm following at the same time and instead of that I wrote "Enjoying life" :)

And now i feel much better. I feel like I have lots of opportunitues and if they send me out of med or if i quit myself because i am not in tge mood for it or whatever happens i still can be happy and successful and there are other ways to live. As it was before. :)

But these sayings are cliche. They are helpful when you live them. I will live them. I keep repeating them till they finally find their way through my mind model. I keep being positive and live my life day by day not just sit down and wait to something positive or my daydreams in far future happen. I make sheets. More and more sheets. I set to dos. I set goals. I write diaries. I thank god every day and at the end of day i specify positive and negative points of the day. I keep doing these things and someday i realize that how much i am more predominant in living. Living with all my heart.

Be Free as a bird

Today I studied a little bit after some days off. I don't even want to get better and then start to do things that i want. No not anymore. I just want to continue and accept my current condition. Like I have been like this from the very first of my life. Besides I'm really not in a condition to have the right for complaining. Till now I have studied about one and half an hour. It's not much. But i'll keep going after a short break.or as my classmates in university always said, after tea time. 

Now that i talked about classmates i wanna mention that how much i am greatful for my past and peresent classmates. My class shifted last term and i guess this change was for better cause in this class the population is smaller (about 35 people) and i think mind models are more alike so the whole class is more  concerted. But the other class was also fine. 

It's irrelevant but i liked the following picture.

How to understand her.

Vs

You dont need him.

:)) I liked the titles.

I should really convince myself that I don't need anybody and espicialy him. You know sometimes i doubt that did i truly fell in love or i just wanted to attach myself to someone more powerful, smarter and better than me? I guess it's the second one. Any way it's not an issue anymore. Time has passed. The issue is that this wrong attitude that I'm weak doesn't trap me anymore. I don't know what love is but I guess it's not about attaching youself to another person. It's not sick. It's healthy and improving.

Something between distressed and calm

 You know I'm not really that kind of person who easily sticks with other people. I'm really conservative in this field. And when ever i some how force myself to be too much sociable after a while i just get tired and start to cut out the strings. Unless I really love the person. 

I wanna thank god because of my virtual friends I have made in my other blog. It's really great to find people who you love reading their thoughts and feelings and writings. And there is a guess that they also have the same idea about me.

I liked this photo cause it really shows my distressed thoughts these days.

Thankful

 I'm not in the mood for studying. Of course i know that if i sit behind my desk and just dive into it, the rest of it would be esier. But starting is hard. 

I have made some diary and to do sheets and printed them and i want to start writing and recording every day thanksgiving, to do, good points and bad points of the day and finally diary of the day. Archives are preciouse and worth spending time to creat them. Today i wrote thaks for my major and now i really feel better. I haven't thanked god for this great chance that has stock in my way. Thank god again. 

New me

 I haven't written in english for a long time now and i'm a little bit scared of having grammer and also word choice mistakes. But i should start from somewhere anyway. And i think this is a great spot (my blog) for this trying. 

You know when i went to english institution and i was more susceptible with talking and writing in english i understood that my english talker version has a different charactristic with my persian one. 

Persian me is more affected with the traditions and maybe religious beliefs and this made her more calm and maybe shy. But my english verion mostly talks her mind freely and this is because english movies and english culture is a powerful and important source for me to learn this language. I personally am a fan of my english version due to it's really more interesting. It's really true that they say learning a new language is like getting familiar with a new world. It really has a deep effect on people as much as making a whole new personality for them.

I'm really curious and also interested to know what my french talker verion is. Besides learning a new language has been always exciting for me. But as long as i'm not fluent in one language it seems a mistake to move to another one.

 C++ is the new love of my life. :)